Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
