dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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