if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
