john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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