tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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