no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
