So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
