Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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