Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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