How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
