I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Who died my cat blue again?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
