I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Mom said you looked used
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
