I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
