Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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