she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
