hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
