Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
