And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
