I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
