My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
