he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
