He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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