sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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