I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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