My hand turned me down
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
