Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You took a bar mat shot.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
