Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You're a waste of cheezeits
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
