I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
