i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
