So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
