would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
