dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
