Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
