How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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