i jhust puked up my retainher.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
