Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
