I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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