i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
