we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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