Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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