I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
