the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
