I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
