You made me cry and you don't even care
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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