I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize