24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
