He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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