can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
