please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
