we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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