my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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