Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
