There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
