but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
