I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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