i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Someone stole a lamp last night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
