She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Houston, we have a blender
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
