I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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