That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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