Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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