I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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