Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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