I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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