found the other keg... it's in the tree
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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