Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think i got beer on your cat.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
