woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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