Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
