i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
